Need

What we know about time is that it is never there. Every moment is a grain of sand trickling from our hand into oblivion. We don't have time for us. I don't have time for me. Everyday is spent making plans with friends, family.

A day off is what I need. A day completely dedicated to me. I have a lot of stuff to think about. A lot to sort. My goals and dreams are all entwined. I need time to sort them out. I can't differentiate between what I want and what I need. Sometimes I feel like running as fast as I can and the next impulse is to sit down and shut down the world around me. My emotions are volatile. I need to set them right. I need myself but I am too busy with the people around me.

I need to think about what happened. I can't push it aside anymore. My philosophies are haunting me. They need to be tamed. Some of them need to go. I need to think without music. Music negotiates emotions. I have to end all distractions. I need a new plan to live. I have been trawling on for a long time now. I have no line I am treading. Everyday is just like the other.

I am dominated by 'I'.

I need to repair myself. I need to confess to Me the assumptions on which I have based my theories and strengthened my resolve. I need Time.

Lost

Why is it that the world is so cruel ?

Why is it that we always need a tool ?

Why is it that sometimes colours don't blend ?

Why do we not be 'us' and always be 'them' ?

Why is it that the end pushes itself away ?

Why is it that we fall down where we can't stay ?

Why do good times always come to an end ?

Why do things always break when they can't bend ?

Why do we whisper when we can shout out aloud ?

Why is that we always need to stay with the crowd ?

Why do flowers always fall down and die ?

Why is it that some birds can't fly ?

Why do we always have an excuse ?

Why is it that our kites always cut loose ?

Why is it that our impulse is so wild ?

Why is it that we still punish a child ?

Why is it that we can't always cry ?

Why is it that tears are too shy ?

Why do feelings shrivel up inside ?

Why can't boats sail the high tide ?

Brothers in Arms :)

Its 2 in the night, and Im smiling. The sheer casualness of the moment feels so special. Nights always pass by in silence and sleep. This one is different. It feels different. It even tastes different. Exchanging thoughts, words, feelings, emotions and everything that we tend to keep within ourselves, was a solace we were all looking for. We pour out what we hide from the world. A lie told as a child, an ugly prank played on an elder, our first loves, our first heart breaks, our worst experiences as toddlers, the times we laughed so hard that we couldn’t breath… the night has absorbed us into its beautiful blanket. We feel so protected, so complete. Every experienced shared, every dream said aloud and every word spoken unfiltered is a different world altogether. Our escape to oblivion. We live tonight as there is no dawn.

But the best part is, when we wake up tomorrow, we will walk into this world being what the world knows us to be, but this night will always stay etched in our memories. Like a ray of hope that has a sun of its own…:)

The Moment

I come out of my college. It’s a beautiful day. The sun is shining lightly through the trees and the breeze feels so good. I walk to my favourite spot under the tree and sit down with my guitar. The metal strings feel warm against the finger tips. The wood feels light and delicate. I strum and the six distinct notes ease me into their feel. I close my eyes and start playing. I pace up with the wind, and mellow down with the falling leaves. I feel ecstatic !! The crisp sound of the guitar keeps me going and has hypnotized me. I hear footsteps, yet I carry on. And then, I hear a welcome voice sing along. I open my eyes and we exchange smiles mid-song. Another friend joins in with his guitar and we keep playing, dividing our parts yet keeping the song together. The three of us sway to the rhythm and the feel builds up.

By now, everyone is around us. Everyone is smiling :)

We carry on, looking at each other. Having fun, letting others join in. We even slow down to let our musically challenged friends sing their part :P By song end, everyone applauds. Not for me, not for others but for the sheer brilliance of the moment; the connection that was made by a simple song which will soon be forgotten and replaced.

“Lunch ?! “
“ Yeah sure ! Where to ? “
“ We have an hour, so we can go to a nice place today.”

14 year old me wouldn’t have believed had he seen a glimpse of what his life is today :)

Happy

The rain felt awesome. I stood outside for the whole time it poured. I couldn't help keeping my arms open wide. It felt so welcome after an exhausting day. The cold drops struck my face and the winds rolled around like it had been freed after a long time. It was amazing. The rain drained all my worries and I couldn't help smiling. The best part of it was, I had my closest friends with me that time. The joy of laughing and running in the rain with those who matter the most to you is inexpressible.

Independence Day

I feel love for my country. I always have. Tomorrow is the 15th of August, a day I have always felt happy to be a part of. There is this part of me which wants to burst out and celebrate everytime a patriotic gesture is made by anyone. I want to re-live those days when I was a cadet, the time I wore that uniform and had marched numerous times saluting the tri-colour. The national anthem moves me to know end. I personally feel that it is one of the best pieces of music ever created. A melody so powerful, it can melt the most stoic non-believer in our country.

Our countries has its limitations. Lets not overlook that. We don't have the best of roads, the tallest buildings, the new age technology and many more of these things, but what we must realise is, after generations of erosion, wars and slavery, we still have our culture. We still go through with those customs with zeal and enthusiasm. We are changing. The new generation is not corrupt or power hungry, nor is it laid-back. The generation to come will be more dynamic. Lets not let this feeling of oneness drain out as the clock strikes 12 tomorrow night. We are and will remain a great nation and I won't let a global 'public transport system' poll determine our maturity and progress. Jai Hind

Escape

I had a rough day today. The heat, the sweat, the truck-load of work, was too much to handle. I was walking on this dusty road, thinking about all the corny jokes we friends made today, the talk I had on the phone with another friend, the 4 years of studies ahead of me, the career that will be a constant struggle, the open field where I had once made an imaginary house with my ex- 'soulmate', the trust and faith my parents have in me, the friend who I offended with my words, the 'forgotten' promise made to my brother... I closed my eyes to think, I just couldn't open them.. They were so heavy..

The next step landed on hard stone, I jolted back to conciousness to find myself standing on a cliff at midnight. The faint moonlight bounced off the surface of the black ocean that frothed below me. The sound of the waves crashing on the rocky shore drowned all remorse. The cold ocean wind eased out the frown that had stayed on for days.. I was awestruck.

The ocean looked so inviting. The thought of breaking the icy surface and the rush of life before it was the feeling I was craving for. The distant horizon blending in with the blue night sky beckoned me to reach for it. I opened my arms wide and closed my eyes. Only this time, I didn't want to open them.

I look at the ocean, and I know this is it. I know there is no stopping me. There is not a soul in sight. The only sound I hear is the soft rustle of the trees behind me and the crisp waves crashing on the stones.. I jumped..

My knees hit the dusty road. A car honks loudly as it rushes by. The guy on the bicycle gives me a weird look when he sees me kneeling. I get up, brush the dust off and turn back to go.. I want to look back, but I can't stand the thought of losing that moment of solitude in a cloud of dust.

Tidy Hair

So I woke up with a funny feeling. I look into the mirror and see my hair standing up at all angles, I try to brush it down and make it look neater. Then I go in for a bath, come out and set my hair again. Im obsessed with how my trousers fit, how my shirt looks and I check to see if my Armstrong is visible. That was Ninth Grade.

I don’t wake up on time. Jump in and out of the shower. Spray on deodorant. Snatch up a school shirt, put on dirty shoes after pulling them out from underneath the bed and wear dirty trousers as I don’t want to bother with opening the cupboard. But the hair has to be good. Gel it up, make it look weird and Im good to go. I reach class, throw my bag on the last bench and head out, without thinking.
That was Eleventh Grade.

I wake up. Take a shower, put on my uniform and walk out. I set my hair. I didn’t check if my shirt was untidy. Oh yeah, my shoes are shiny. Polished them last night. The Armstrong is long replaced by a watch. I go to class and sit on the seat second to the first. I fiddle with my phone till I spot a familiar face and wave.
Twelfth Grade.

I wake up with great difficulty. Last night I stayed on the computer till 4:00 a.m. Take a shower, snatch my bag and head out. I didn’t set my hair. I threw on my old jeans, picked up the first shirt that touched my hand.

The more I matured, the less I cared. Happier and stress-free, Light-headed and confident. Life pulled me into its many mysteries, philosophies, logic and I pulled out with a handful of my own. I walk today as someone who just found life’s mathematical function.

Yeah, The Sine Graph Theory:
Life can range from -1 to 1. The minus being the low-points ( we call it crap ), the plus being the high ones ( we call it cool ). No matter, whose life it is, the low points will never exceed the high points in value or number. When one hits a low, he needs to travel up to reach the high. Then he slides down back to the low. People easily slide down but don’t care to walk back uphill.

I’m different. I have a skate-board. And it is made out of Awesome :D

I had always loved Mathematics. I just came to know why :P

I look into the mirror, not to set my hair, but to smile at the guy inside. And guess what ? He’s smiling back. Feels so much cooler than tidy hair, cool shirts and the yellow Armstrong :P

PS - I Love You. ( Behind the scenes ) :P

“Why didn’t you pick up the phone? “
“Had class. I was busy.”
“Too busy to talk to me?? You have time for everything else. It is just me that you need to take out time for “
“ No. Seriously, I couldn’t talk that time. “
“ Let it be. You will never understand. “



“ Hey.. where were you ?? I have called you like 10 times !! “
“ Nothing. Was in class. So tell me, whats up !? “
“ All cool. There is this gig if you want to go, its awesome. It started about an hour ago but we could make it just in time to watch this great band…”
“ Im sorry I couldn’t pick up the phone bro. Had class.”
“ Chill dude ! What time are you reaching ?? “


“Who are you talking to? “
“My friend from high-school. Its been ages !”
“You could atleast pick up the phone and tell me. I was constantly on waiting.”
“You should have realized that I couldn’t !! He was on a long-distance call. I did call you back, didn’t I ?”
“Hmm. So what are you doing ? “
“Talking to him. Why ?”
“Still !?! When will you ever get off the phone !? I have been waiting for ages to talk to you”
“ I will shortly. We haven’t talked in months, so we are just catching up on stuff.”
“Can’t you do that later? You know I can’t talk in the evening. I have to go out with my parents.”
“Umm.. Well..”
“ CAN’T YOU !? “
“Well ok. “
“Good. Love you.”
“Love you too. Bye. I’ll just call you back.”
“Please make it quick.”
“Haan yaar. Love you.”
“Love you too.”




“ Oye, phone nahin utha sakta saale ?! “
“Abbe yaar, I was talking to Karan.”
“Really ?? How is he? Its been ages man!”
“Yeah! He is all good. He got into IIT.”
“Woah ! Always knew he’ll do well.”
“Why were you calling?”
“Oh yeah. I need your pen-drive. Lost mine.”
“No problem. I’ll get it tomorrow. “
“Saale viruses to nahin hai ? “
“Hai. Bahut saare.”
“Sach bata yaar. As it is computer ki lagi padi hai.”
“Nahin hai yaar. Scan kar liyo. Chal bye.”
“Cool. Bye”